Wednesday, June 25, 2008

My Menses

Clockwork. Never skipped a period (except for pg), after Simone, I breastfed for 2.5 years, got mine back on month 12 and it was the same from there after.
30 days. 30 days give or take, but 30 days.
Now? Well, I waited 18 weeks to get a menstrual cycle, unheard of by all the moms I know who've experienced stillbirth.
Then, that one was so heavy I woke up in the middle of the night with blood all over my pj's, even though I was wearing some super duper night pad more akin to a diaper.

Then I spotted on days 15-18. They I waited until day 42 for the next one. Same as the first, heavy flow, spotting on or around those days, then it took 36 days this time.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

Why does everyone tell me it's fucking stress too. Don't tell me about stress. I'm a stressed person generally and I've gone through many periods of my life where my stress load was off the charts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is 'different', fuck that.
I'm not going to sit around and poo poo myself anymore, and I certainly don't want these MOFO doctors to do it to me either.
My shitlist of doctors, I'll never see Dr. D again which basically means I'm fucked when it comes to my next pg as I'm high risk.
Don't fucking tell me the second time you've met me that my stress level is high and then argue with me because I'm crying because MY SON DIED. I'm not crying because I'm being irrational, nothing you've said has made me cry, you're not that important to me doc. I cry because I love and miss my son, and if when I speak of him and I cry, it doesn't mean my fucking brain has shut off or that now I need treated like a mental patient. I have a psychiatrist and psychologist, I want a OB/GYN to sit and talk to me and answer my questions and speak to me like I know what or how the pituitary, hypathalomus, Follicles and their associated hormones work. I do. I just need some help

4 comments:

Ya Chun said...

Mine has been extra wacky since the stillbirth too. I think it was ~3 months to the first and >40 days to the second. My doctor believes in alternative medicines so gave me an aura patch for women stuff(can't remember exact) I think chiropractors are into these.
I think you need a good general doctor. Mine is great. She was not my dr before or during pregnancy but was recommended by a friend. she did lots of blood work and sent me to two specialists (sleep and rheumatology) everything came back fine, but at least we pursued the weird preliminary results. This regular dr also does well woman exams and pregnancies up to like 32 weeks.
I am also one who tends to be stressed out and deal well under stress, like for jobs and such.
But I really think this is different, like PTSD. that kind of stress.
yes, you need a dr that will be on your team. that is what i like about my dr, we are figuring things out together, i am asking her questions, the convo teases out info from me, she types out a plan and sends me home with a copy (so i can remember it all)
they're out there, you just need to find her...

Reese said...

Sounds hormonal. Can you see an endocrinologist?

It took 8 weeks after to get a period. Then it was heavy as hell. 45 days later got another one. Also heavy as hell.

I agree. Find someone you are comfortable with---being a 'dr' too, I find it hard to talk to MDs who don't acknowledge that I have a similar body of knowledge.

Thinking of you---

Julia said...

I agree with reese-- sounds like it could be other hormonal systems. My own personal bias is to check on the thyroid, but I am sure there are other possible culprits. Of course I have yet to find a good endocrinologist myself. So maybe look for one, or maybe get your GP to run a huge ass panel of tests and then just see what you see.

anarchist mom said...

Actually, I was a bit pissed about the whole stress accusation (for every medical problem I have, TMJ, shingles, preterm labor, etc., ad nauseam) but then I started reading the literature on the link between cortisol and the other hormones, and now I feel like an ass for getting so frustrated when they told me it was stress. Now I'm on day 14, normal period so far, and I was heartened it went from 42 days to 36, maybe this one will drop by six days and then I'd be back to normal. Of course then I'd have nothing to worry about right? Yeah righ, I'd think of something. Sigh.