Sunday, May 3, 2009

debating on deleting all of this

I'm debating on deleting this blog. Quite frankly, i was stupid enough to let some family members see it, and i haven't remained as anonymous as i probably should have (using pseudonyms etc.). It makes me really kind of sad, but i don't really know what else to do? I've basically stopped blogging on myspace for the same reason, and/or kicked family members off (it's a private blog). I guess I'm just bummed because I really like being able to come here and vent, and for the few readers i have, read your replies. It's just not the same genre as posting on an online forum if you all know what i mean. I guess what's even more sad is that I used to not give a damn, but I feel so vulnerable, and I feel the world is so cruel, that I would delete this very personal diary/chronicle simply to protect myself from the hurt or questions forced on me by others. This blog has been with me since the beginning, and having to say goodbye to it is something i would mourn.

I just don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice? :(

12 comments:

Henry's Mom said...

I’m sorry to hear this news. I check in on your blog and I do think of you and Miles often. Can you start it back up under a different name and title?

caitsmom said...

Think about using the permissions in settings of blogger. You could post an email for readers to request permission to read. You could gently request that family understand that the bereavement community is a private healing space for you, that you need to heal. Or you could begin a new blog with more anonymously. Peace. I wish you the best. A place to write and express is so important when we are so hurt.

c. said...

I'd hate to see you go...

xo.

Anonymous said...

Hey, it's Erin from MotherTalkers. I don't comment, but I check on you here pretty frequently. I understand why you're thinking about deleting it, but I'd be sorry to see you go.

Ya Chun said...

you could make the blog private

Sorry real life sucks

superlagirl said...

I'm sorry to hear this. I know that feeling of having your privacy violated. It sucks.

You could move your archives to Wordpress and then password-protect any posts that you would like to keep private. Or, like others have said, you could make this space open only to invited readers.

I hope you can find some way to keep writing.

Anonymous said...

Like Erin, I read here often. I'm sorry that the blog is causing you more stress when it was intended to be an outlet for you. I will miss you if you go, but I will know you are doing what is best for you. Just know that there are many of us out here thinking of you.

Lisa in Austin from MTers

Mama Kat said...

hey i am a mother talkers frequenter and i just clicked over to check on you. i know that sounds weird but there are people out there you don't even know who care about you! if you delete your blog that's your decision, just wanted you to know that you're on my heart always.

Reese said...

A relative once asked how I could write such private things publicly and not fear the wrath of people's opinions. I told her straight up, I write for me, to make me less insane. If people are uncomfortable with it, then fuck off.

I know it is easier said than done, but this is your place and it should continue to be your sanctuary, whether or not you allow us to view it.

Thinking about you---

Anonymous said...

I understand, certainly, the need for privacy; it's been something on the top of my mind as I think about returning to my blog and writing about the loss of my son with all the risks that would entail. But just a note to say that stumbling on your blog this week out there in the open has made a HUGE difference, especially given your intelligence, your perspective, and your willingness to write from a non-religious perspective. In other words, you wrote in your profile that this blog might help someone else not feel so alone. After blog after blog of god talk, your blog did just that for me--feel companioned. Whatever you choose to do, know that in the time it was up, you connected and made a difference.

Ines said...

oh, what a tough subject...

my first response is, stay. And that's pure selfishness.
I've only found you today... and I'm glad, so glad.

You ask for advice... I live by the rule not to say post anything I wouldn't be prepared to say into a persons face. Difficult and not always easy. But integrity is something that means a lot to me and when there is screw up the other word is hypocracy.

And it means public and private scruteny... it requires confidence. And it makes confidence. I think you are honest and have a voice I'd like to be heard, so I would keep it as is. You don't need to hide, maybe it's not always comfortable to others when they read your honesty but it is who you are and what you think and while many people wont learn from it/us/our lives and thoughts and feelings, they are there and I'm glad you share them.

xx

DIY Family said...

please don't do that. this is a testimony of your life , your struggles, it means so much to you, and later it will empower you. scars can be ugly but their apart of you, and the people that love you will always except them. for everyone else F them. they could never understand what you've been through , not many of us could. but you are an amazing person with so much strength and it would be a tragedy to erase this. somewhere out there their is a person who has just suffered an amazing loss and maybe they will subtle upon your blog and maybe it will bring them strength. i know you have brought me strength in many ways.