Wednesday, December 16, 2009

All I want for Christmas is you



I've listened to this song about 50 times tonight. I like to think I can sing. I sing it, and it just chokes me up. Seriously. I just blubber to this song :(

I'm just so sad again. It seems like I've noticed so many birthdays in the last couple of weeks, everytime I turn around. My daughter was invited to a party on Saturday, and I just thought, we should be having one of those now and cried.

I've just been in such a funk. Just bone tired. I'm finding it hard to get out of bed again. I have little affect, I"m such a pessimist. My boss said (nicely) that I was 'in a bit of a mood today'. I didn't realize it was so obvious, i do try. I'm just so blue. Everytime I hear a sad Christmas song I cry.

There is just no preparing for these waves of sadness. Life goes on, and I hate life for that.

MISSing my son, Myles, this Christmas and always.

9 comments:

caitsmom said...

(((hugs))) MISSing Myles with you. I know that feeling of sadness settled.

Sam said...

Dear Anarchist Mom,
I came across your blog by hitting next blog over my own blog tab. I am always saddened to hear of the loss of a child and I can think of nothing worse for a parent. I can't begin to relate about your journey because your disbelief and my belief in God are polar opposites. I am not writing this comment to debate that but to offer a blog where there is someone who can relate. She is the friend of my daughter and she lost her first daughter to Trisomy 18 last year. I hope by ready her continuing journey to find peace will help you find it as well. Her blog is: noahandjulieroberts.blogspot.com

I hope you will drop by.

joven said...

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Crackhead KFC Worker #453 said...

It's time to consider 'The Drugs'

Moby said...

I have been hunting Joven around these blogs and I will not stop till I harpoon that SOB.

joven said...

beautiful blog..pls visit mine and be a follower.. thanks and God bless..

http://forlots.blogspot.com/

joven said...

beautiful blog..pls visit mine and be a follower.. thanks and God bless..

http://forlots.blogspot.com/

joven said...

beautiful blog..pls visit mine to,and be a follower..thanks and God bless..http://forlots.blogspot.com/

Jackie said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby.