So I've been operating on the assumption that everyone just wanted me to be THERE for Christmas. Nothing more nothing less. I wasn't told I had to be sociable, play games, take pictures, etc., etc. And I didn't expect that I would have to. At every christmas I've been to (My mom's and my Dad's, they're long time divorced) I've done what I could. Sometimes that means I disappear; at my Mom's I came and layed down for a couple hours after the presents were unwrapped. I didn't eat with them. At my dad's I did similar (didn't want to sit and eat and chat with everybody) and there I hid out downstairs where the kids were playing hide and seek.
Was I morose? Yes. Unsociable? Yes. Did I talk or smile? here and there. I thanked them for their gifts, in fact, I was thanking my step mom before I left, and everybody else (my dad, sis, bro, sil, and 5 kids) all went outside. As I thank her, she just looks at me and says, "You need to get some help." I say 'what?' surprised but unshaken. Then she starts yelling at me, "YOU NEED TO GET SOME HELP, YOU DIDN'T TALK TO ANYBODY HERE." I disagreed, I most certainly did chat with my dad while he fried the turkey, my bro and sis, just most of it was one on one, private talks. And no, I never did talk to her because I generally don't like her.
I told her she was being rude, and she had no right to say that to me. She yelled at me that she cared about me and loved me (who YELLS such things?). I just walked away and muttered to her that she couldn't love me, she doesn't even KNOW me. At this point I'm opening the front door and she is following me, yelling(?!) If it had been any other day, I might have argued with her, but instead, i'm just as zombified by the whole weird confrontation as I've been all day. I open the front door, and she shouts out after me:
"You don't even deserve to have your daughter."
All of my REAL family looks over confused and surprised, who was just yelling?! I said very matter of factly as I got in my car that that was just step mom telling me I don't deserve my daughter. After which I promptly left with my sis and the kids.
All I can say is I'm not telling my mom because she would tear her a new one, and it would create rifts where there needn't be. I'm not worried about my dad, we had nice discussions about my divorce, my depression, whether or not to file for bankruptcy. We've actually talked a lot. So I'm just hoping she feels like an idiot. I'm not going to grace her 'opinion' with a response, she's not worth it to me. I just can't believe someone could be soooo cruel.
FYI, by 'help' she means religion. Her and my Dad think my problem is I 'haven't heard the good news!' (barf). What they don't understand is that everytime they bring it up, they might as well be telling me that if I were religious, none of this would've happened. This is my punishment. And if losing Myles wasn't a punishment, my anguish and difficulties in handling this is due to my lack of appropriate religiopioid. Ugh, my dad, in his gentle kind way, kept saying the word 'forget'. I have to forget. I have to forget? IIII have to forget?!
I will never forget!!!