It was grand, everything I had imagined. But really, I've actually had an everything hangover. Last week was so brutal, thank zeus for xanax, LOL. With the MISSing Angels bill and so many other meetings and appointments, after it was all said and done, I crashed. It all culminated Sunday night and I am just now recovering. I think I've compared about 100 things to a roller coaster, but in all reality, grief is a roller coaster (I really need a new analogy). And when I have some good days (as in productive and relatively 'easy'), I always know I'll pay with some bad days back down in the abyss, wallowing again in self pity and grief.
This time, I went and saw my bf's baby at her house with Simone. It ended up being the trigger to send me spiraling down. I'm still so happy for her though. And anyone who knows me knows I'm obsessed with babies and maternal infant health and breastfeeding, etc. (ad nauseam). And I don't want that to change now that I've lost Myles. But in all honesty, it's hard to be around babies, and sadly, little Caleb Myles will always represent my son to me. He'll always be symbolic of what I missed what milestones my son has missed, and it makes me sad. When he is two and when he's 20, I'll always think of Myles when I see him. And I guess maybe that's a good thing. I don't ever want to forget my son, maybe I can shower Caleb with some love and attention and live a little vicariously through Jamee and him. He is a beautiful baby.
Anyway, when you don't hear from me for a couple of days, it's generally because I've hit a low. Now that I'm on my way back up from the abyss, here I am rambling. I started this post going to write about the caucus! Still downer debbie :)
No, I do have some pictures that I swear I am posting soon of me and B, and tbone all dressed in our matching Obama T-shirts. I spoke up for Obama during the caucus but eventually ended up defending Hillary even though I'm so strongly in the Obama camp (this Obama dude (>60yrs) was totally dissing her for crying and I and many others booed, and rightly so). I'm thinking about going to the August convention in Denver. I always like an excuse to go to Colorado, I so want to move there, sigh. Anyway, the rest of this primary is out of my control, so it's back to just plain hope without any course of action, I hate that, I've got to do something. So I'm actually sad the caucuses are over, and Super Tuesday too. When will this last year of Bush be over???!!! And when will I know if it's Obama or Hillary??? I am politicked out, but for me that means it's back to reading blogs and fucking with conservative douchebags on my hometown newspaper :) That is, until the MISSing Angels bill gets to the floor (please oh please I hope it happens), and of course I'll share, especially if I need your help again.